Thrive . . . Remain . . . Pray!

It’s been quiet here for some time.  Nothing like the reality in my own home and heart.  So much has been happening, but not every story is my own.  I share in the story of others. 

This place—this special place of questioning, reflecting, triumphing in Jesus—is a glimpse of my walk seeking His face every day of each season. 

But sometimes the walk cannot be written until a few more steps have been taken. 

And sometimes, the walk cannot be spoken out of respect for others involved. 

That’s where I find myself this morning.  

Stretched, worn and lovingly embraced!

But I had to share this verse with you.  

Could it be what you needed to hear as well?

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”  

Romans 12:12 (NIV)

My Greek geek self dug a little deeper into the original language and found a rich reservoir worth drinking from for some time!

Thrive and be well while expecting good . . .

Remain in the pressing while holding fast to your faith . . .

Be constantly in prayer—continually . . .

May God bless you and keep you wherever He takes you walking today!

Soli deo Gloria!

Robin

His Desire vs. My Comfort—Relevant ‘11

How about some more honesty . . . {not like I practice lying here or nuthin’! J}

God loves it when we Sisters are open with one another—honest, transparent . . . vulnerable!  But those are usually the furthest comforts away in our comfort-zone.

That is, however, how this little corner of my world got started.

Several friends and I were part of a yahoo group where we shared with each other some of the moments from our day where we verifiably caught Jesus.  We would write a little something explaining what was going on and how God showed up.  We all passionately loved Jesus and wanted to consciously STOP in our day and take notice whenever we saw God in the moment with us.

After awhile, I seemed to be the only one who was writing.  A couple of these friends encouraged me to start a blog.  I had never heard the word before!  I talked with God about it and waited while He amazingly put confirmations in my heart and by other means.  It’s funny when I look back on that memory now.  I was so excited about something I knew nothing about!

From the beginning, the vulnerability to write what was going on in my life was difficult.  Over time, I had grown quite private.  I held my stories to myself.  To share with a group of 20 or so gals in a secure corner of Yahoo was one thing!  To openly share with whoever happened to come along on the world-wide web was very much another.

I know this is getting long, but hang with me . . . I really am going somewhere with this! J

What has evolved over time has been an openness to share my struggles and what I am learning as I walk with Jesus, but I have neglected to include the road conditions we are walking on!

I am an imperfect, sinful, hurting person living with seven six other {oops . . . that’s right, my sweet oldest moved out!} imperfect, sinful, hurting people.  I’m attached to many others through family, church, ministry, Facebook, Homeschool Co-op and run-ins at the neighborhood grocery store and YMCA.

Life is hard and we are busy. 

Injustices assault us. 

Satan lies and lures.

And we are dust in need of a Savior.

I have been writing about what happens between that Savior and I when bumps happen in the road, when it gets stormy or when the road seems washed out completely.  But I haven’t done a very faithful job of including you in on the action behind the quiet with God.

There’s a fine line to this.  Those handsome teenage boys of mine do not want their names scratched in this place as part of one of mom’s posts! 

But I want to find that line.

I think we both need me to!

I need to become a better storyteller! 

The telling of the end result means less when you don’t know how the story begins.  

Sometimes I will only be able to jump in during the unfolding—

whatever is best for all.  

But I need to start practicing.

• I have not been comfortable writing much concerning my husband’s recent stroke. 
• I opened up a little when I suffered my second miscarriage.  I was unconscious at the time and just wrote.  As I woke up, I closed up.  I’ll need to watch for that again.
• I shared some of "my journey from ruins” but, again, grew uncomfortable and stopped. 
• I have wanted to ask questions of you—to include you in our conversation.  Friends can only become when there is equal dialogue!  But my fear of silence following the question mark has caused me not to ask.

Transparency in my walk with Jesus has become easier for me. 

The vulnerability to openly share the pits and stumbles along the way has not. 

All parts of each one’s story is important. 

I want to know some of yours. 

And I need to share more of mine so we all feel safe in this place.

Some reflections following my week at The Relevant Conference 2011
His Desire vs. My Expectations
His Desire vs. My Agenda
His Desire vs. My Comfort

His Desire vs. My Agenda—Relevant '11

I want to spend some time being completely honest.

I am holy, chosen, and dearly loved.
I am also weak, sin filled, and self-centered.

When I left for the Relevant Conference last week, I had high hopes of meeting fellow bloggers with the intent to build relationships.  I have been writing in this place for 3 ½ years now, but have not really done anything to promote or grow the readership of the blog.  I saw Relevant as God’s open door to doing so. 

Problem was, I never asked God how He felt about that. 

I went to Relevant knowing that a lot of the ladies already knew one another and had been growing relationships online.  No imagination could prepare me for the giggling and cackling, the screaming and embracing that accompanied that first evening together. J

I was out of the loop and definitely felt it.

No connections and no voice in a gathering filled with boisterous reunions.

What I was looking for, in some ways, the conference could have delivered . . . but it was not what God wants me focused on.  I already knew that!  But I chose to ignore it.

I guess I was hoping to grow my blog’s exposure by exposing my wonderful self J—

{Yep, pretty ugly huh!}

God wanted to save me from that . . . so He quieted me. 

I could not over talk when I could barely speak. 

I could not exalt me when I could hardly chit chat!

I wanted the most for my blog out of this expensive, mostly paid-for-by-others trip.  My expectation was that God wanted the same since it was He that had made it possible for me to be there and repeatedly told me to go.  Yet, I failed to ask Him ahead of time to lead and bless and reveal His desires for my time on the trip and my learning.

I went with my own agenda and then felt sorry for myself when I realized things would not happen as I had planned.

I have been so tired of “hard” over these past few years.  And then something I had expected to be glorious, a bit of a “time-out” from the difficulty of the past couple of months, seemed to turn on me.

The truth is . . . 
I’m tired.  
I’m sad.  
I’m trusting.  
I’m believing.  
I’m growing.  
I’m hurting.  
I’m hoping.  
And I so desperately wanted Relevant to take away some of the hurt, fix some of the brokenness and shore up some of the weakened places.

What a bit of pressure for those three young ladies in charge! J

Our God is a jealous and protective God!  

He protected me from my self and jealously remains 

the only One who can gain credit for what He is doing 

in this selfish, sinful heart of mine.

“And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’  Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may dwell in me.  Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.” 
2 Cor. 12: 9, 10

Some reflections following my week at The Relevant Conference 2011
His Desire vs. My Expectations
His Desire vs. My Agenda
His Desire vs. My Comfort

His Desire vs. My Expectations—Relevant '11

In front of me rests my journal.  The lavishly scrolled cover imprinted with this Psalm, “Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” 

Desires are not expectations.

Oh, how often I forget!

For five days this past week I left my family, my home, my routine,  and my schedules to gather with a couple hundred ladies doing the same.  We met in lovely Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.  {At least I am supposing it was lovely.  God’s creations are.  But I didn’t see much past the view from the Sheraton and the quick drive to and from the airport—made quicker by the hotel’s crazy shuttle driver!}.

I was blessed to be a part of Relevant ’11.

Blessed to meet the loveliest of ladies!

Blessed to hear wonderful, thought-provoking messages!

Blessed to experience sweet moments!

I packed my bags, my hopes and my expectations.  And along the way (between Seattle and Chicago, to be exact) I lost my voice.  All of it pretty much gone. 

For the next couple of days I battled my voice, my necessity, my self—

all while mourning the lost experience I had believed 
Relevant would be for me.

Not simply because I had lost my voice.  

But simply because I allowed my deepest, truest desires 

to be overshadowed by what I thought 

and what I wanted.

Sweet time with the Lord since has revealed too much to share in one post today.  But one thing is for certain—

His desires for us will always exceed our expectations

while rarely looking anything like them!

I hope you will come visit in the days to come as I re-visit the relevance of my Relevant experience . . . especially those of you who have been visiting here for awhile now.  There are some things I’d particularly like to share with you.

Unfortunately, it will have to be without pictures! L  I remembered everything I needed to take with me except my camera! (Well—that and my tweezers, but I think I was the only one bothered by that pokey little chin hair!)

Thank you for those who prayed for me and my trip. 

God was listening and I am deeply blessed!

Some reflections following my week at The Relevant Conference 2011
His Desire vs. My Expectations
His Desire vs. My Agenda
His Desire vs. My Comfort

My Girls

Today we are preparing our home for 13 little ladies to join us for "tea" tomorrow.  My eldest daughter and I have been excitedly planning the menu, the activities, and the fun to celebrate our two littlest ladies and their friends in what we love to do regularly around here.

Have tea parties!!!  

Let me introduce you to my girls alongside some pictures of us enjoying our favorite Tea Room.  Although we would love to visit weekly, we traditionally share High Tea together here on the last day of the year.

I look at these beautiful girls and
I. am. speechless!

Who am I?

No one . . . with not much to offer no one.

And yet . . . God!

God, who is my everything, offers me more than I could ever even imagine that I would want!


The girl who dreamed of a career (and maybe a baby or 2 on the side) is offered an unimaginable dream come true!

Brianne Elizabeth . . .

The first.

The offspring that springs me into motherhood . . .

ready or not . . .

. . . and I was not!

I still remember the fear as we left the hospital the morning after she was born. "How could you possibly let this baby come home with me!  I have no idea what I am doing!  I could hurt her!!!"

And yet, there were other babies to care for so this one was sent with me.

My first, my oldest, my graduate (who survived the transition from private school, to public school, to homeschool with a mother who was reading the books and crying while we began learning a new way of learning—together).  Now, my sister and sojourner with Christ.  A fellow Prayer Counselor at our church.  My dearest friend and desperately needed accountability partner!  I learned a new way to love from her. . . as a mother.

 Faith Charis . . .

 ( the Greek word for "grace" . . .  for her name, we pronounce it "ka-rees")

All our children are gifts of grace— every baby is a grace baby!

Faith was our first gift given out of faith to trust Him more . . .

trust Him in homeschooling
trust Him with how to grow them up
trust Him not to let me screw up too much and mess them up
trust Him with who He wanted to be in our family
trust Him to bless my womb—or not—however He chose 
trust Him to reverse the broken "fix" we had allowed

Being her Mama has grown deep my faith and widened the narrow view I had of grace.  No sweeter name . . . no sweeter face . . . no sweeter, sweet girl than my Miss Faith!


Jelena Joy . . .

(pronounced Ja-lay-na and meaning "filled with praise" so yep . . . put that altogether and you've got "filled with joyful praise!" Nice huh . . . yeah, I think so! :)

This young lady is quite a pistol and I see great accomplishments in her future because this girl doesn't give up or in easily.

She's something else . . . let me tell you!

She is the one God used to bring me to the feet of my Savior when I realized I could no longer do all that I was trying to do out of my own strength.  It took me awhile, but after a few years of ugly (much ugly) God graciously brought me to a place of sweet surrender that never would have happened had I not taken the earlier plunge into faith.

My joy!  My precious Jelena Joy!

Together, they are 3 of the most beautiful ladies in the world.  The soft, feminine side of my world.

So many mother so much better than I do!  

So many times I fall short or flat out fail at this!

Just one more reason why I am so desperately 
dependent upon Jesus and grateful for His grace!  
Because I need so much of it.
They need it in me!

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Balancing On The Edge Of The Coin

For 2 years this quiet corner has kept the door to your words closed.
Why?

This two-sided coin...

Fear of Man
and
Praise of Man

Rejection
and
Pride

You don’t know a lot of my story. And I know even less of yours. But mine has stewed in the juices of rejection and insecurity.

This journal has been my safe place of obedience to the One I promised to obey.

He asked for transparency.
I asked for conditional surrender.

“I’ll be open about my walk, my struggles, my growth, my spirals...my attempt to daily align my heart with Yours....IF....if I don’t have to hear what others think about it.”

I know me! ;)

If shared words were unkind or argued my thoughts so hesitantly pressed into this keyboard—would I have turned away offended?

And...

If the words gifted were kind, in agreement, praising my thoughts—would my thoughts become just as wrecked by the ugly stench of pride?


Lots of words...
No words...
Hurtful words...
Praising words...


Which words would matter most to me? Those He asks me to share here or the ones shared (or not) in response?


I am dust—a blob of messy, messed-up clay. I write only to make much of Him. He is everything.  


I really want to know you—hear from you—converse with you—as you choose to spend some of your precious time here. He is the God of community and I think He'd like to see that in this place.

You have a lot to offer me. I'd like to take you up on it!


As I open the rusty “comment” door and invite you in to participate—to relationship—I want you to know that you are wanted in this place. As a commenter, a lurker....how ever you want to visit.

You are welcome here, I’m glad you came. Feel free to leave a word or pass through quietly.
I like wordy...and I like quiet! 


Soli Deo Gloria! ~ Glory To God Alone!
Robin

Why Write?

Here is the place where I share my steps with Jesus as I learn to want to always align my heart with God’s. It’s not always easy to lay everything out here! I don’t do it for therapeutic purposes or for any type of recognition from anyone. I do it, simply, because two years ago God asked me too. That’s it. That’s why.

Out of the habitual practice of protecting myself through the years—like we all have in some way learned to do—I became very closed up. With my feelings, my walk with the Lord, my story of me and my daily testimony. I walked quietly, for the most part, except in certain small circles. Keeping all things Jesus, all things personal, all things painful, all things that really mattered—to myself.

And then about 2 years ago, God began asking me to open up and share my every day walk with Him. What started as a yahoo group with friends became this little corner of my world.

If you’re a believer—truly a believer of Jesus Christ—your walk entails different choices, different responses, different attitudes than those we most often see around us. When you mix with that hurts and woundings—both from the present and smoldering from the past—as well as interference from the evil one, there is a lot of breaking necessary for healing to begin. Breaking of thought patterns and erroneous responses; breaking of strongholds and sin; breaking free from Satan’s lies to live free in Christ.

“It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.” Gal. 5:1

Freedom eternally as well as freedom now—hence, the no longer walking in slavery part!

We all have areas in which we are or have been walking enslaved. We contribute to the presence of the yoke, but oftentimes that yoke is placed upon us by the workings of the evil one against us. He is the one wanting us enslaved. He is the one who works alongside our hurts and our grieving, our disappointments and our temptations, our confusion and our anger, our unbelief and our fear. He wants to keep us shackled and chained to despair and worthlessness—doubting God and His faithful goodness to us.

These past 2 years (as of tomorrow) have not been the beginning of my restoration in Jesus, but it has been the latest in the saga! ;) I share because God has shown me that when we are honest, transparent and vulnerable with one another grace has the opportunity to flow freely amongst us in healing waters of restoration, encouragement, repentance and yes—more freedom! Which results in more joy!

If you notice on my sidebar, there is a link to contact me. Many of you have and I just love hearing from you! Thank you!

Most everyone who does kindly writes that they appreciate the openness they find here as it helps them or gets them to thinking. Some feel challenged, some encouraged and others embrace hearing honest struggles about something they themselves are struggling with. That appreciation is usually then followed with one of the most often asked questions I receive—why? So there you have it, the long answer—imagine me being long on words!—to the short question... Why?

This also answers the other often asked question as to why I have the comment option turned off on individual postings. Although I believe that what is shared here is beneficial to others as well as myself, this is my walk with Jesus. It is a glimpse into what is going on between me and God each day, each season of my life. It’s not that I don’t want to hear what you have to say about it, but I also don’t want to get into any discussions about whether or not we agree on all things theological. But that is also why I give the contact link on the side. Because I do want to hear from you. I do care what you have to say. I want to be open to what you want to share honestly and openly with me.

Thank you for meeting with me here and keeping me accountable to God. Thank you for the generosity of kind words in your notes to me. Thank you for joining with me as we both set our hearts to seek after God. I am forever grateful for you and that I never journey alone!

May God’s blessings over you be rich and the peace you walk in deep!

Soli Deo Gloria!
Robin

Nate's Stitches

Many of you have been following my journey here, as well as that of my family, for quite some time now.  Just writing that is humbling.  There is nothing sweeter than the fellowship of the body—of building one another up in the Lord.  

Here's the latest in the McKay family saga...

While my husband and I were at our Action Group Sunday night, minutes before bedtime (of course), Faith (6 y.o.) had a toy Nate (3 y.o.) wanted.  Nate lost "the discussion".  He fell and hit the corner of the hose outlet for our vacuum cleaner.  We got the call from the Bigs to come home and headed to the hospital.  The story he repeated constantly the 30 minute drive to the hospital was "Faith threw me to the wall!"  :)

We got him up to the hospital a bit before 9:00 p.m. but they were really busy and didn't get to him until after midnight.  Pretty traumatic!  They mummified him in a contraption so he couldn't move with a nurse holding his head still (which was scary) then kept giving him shots around the eye to numb him (which hurt and was even more scary).  They were so pleased with how well he did for his age and being so tired. So were we!  It was a very deep cut so inner stitches were needed as well as the outer ones.  

The poor guy was so confused.  He thought the doctor was just going to take his owie off.  Boy, did that NOT happen—instead the doctor gave him more owies!  He went from being everyone's darling ("He is sooo cute!") and eating up the attention to "just get me outta here!"

First man scar, here we come! :) 

Sorry Folks...Now The Computer Crashed...

...actually, it died on me a couple weeks ago now. My hubby has been busy and traveling a bunch so no time to look it over or get it out of the house to someone. Oh well, all the thoughts spinning around in my head--desiring a spot to land--will just have to wait.

I pray that your summer is breezing along joyfully as you sit on the Potter's wheel and let Him work away at you--molding, making, shaping, beautifying...

Lavish your attention and love on those around you!

Thrive on the nourishment of the Word as the Son beams down on you!

God bless you all, dear friends...
Robin :)

Anniversary

Today is the one year anniversary for this blog, for this little special-to-me spot in the world.

I can hardly believe it has been a year since God first led me to do this! At the time, I was only aware of a couple of blogs written by some lovely ladies that I admired. I had absolutely NO idea how big the blog world was until I started the process of putting this one together and in the months following. Wow! There are a lot of beautiful places to visit, to be encouraged and refreshed in our walk with the Lord. I thank each and every one of you for joining me here at this place!

I just re-read my first entry from that day and thought I’d copy it for you here.



Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Setting Our Hearts To Seek God

I pray this site will be an avenue by which you find yourself thinking about your journey. Each of us is only given this one, short, precious life. What we do with it while we are here makes all the difference in the world. To God, to your family, to your friends, to your neighbors, your church, the stranger you brushed by at Starbuck’s, the guy in a hurry who cut you off on the tired travel home.

Every bend of the road in this journey has purpose. Every season of life has growth potential. Every day is another opportunity to “set your heart to seek God…2 Chron. 19:3”.

May your visit here be relaxing, encouraging and--at times--challenging and thought provoking.

To God Alone the Glory!
Soli Deo Gloria!



My desire and my reasons for this blog have not changed. God encourages me daily (when I stop and allow Him to) and I wanted a place to record these blessed times with Him.

Not all our steps on the path are easy ones to take, but we are never alone. The sure-footed Shepherd is always with us. And I embrace the surety that the prayers of others can help keep my feet steady as mine will for them while they too travel over difficult terrain.

Once again, I want to encourage you to contact me with any prayers or words of encouragement that you would like to share. I always reply.

I also welcome any of your questions and will try to answer them either personally or publically (if applicable) to the best of my ability.

I have been asked in the past why I do not have the “comment” feature turned on. The answer is simple, but humbling—pride! When I first set up this blog I found that I was too overly concerned with “comments”. Whether I received any, how many, what was said, etc. and I would weigh the importance of a writing on what words each brought back in return. After tiring of myself :)... I decided to dismantle that feature altogether and posted the contact button on my sidebar. I am hopeful to be at a place (soon?) where I can feel confident in opening up the “comments” section and just continue to let each piece of writing be what it is and just rest in whether or not anyone feels led to respond.

That brings me to another, very important point. Every thing that I post here is special to me!

I take very seriously the responsibility of putting my words up on the internet for all the world to see! This is why I pray over each piece before loading it. I carefully wait upon the Lord to see if anything could be at all displeasing to Him or easily offend others. There were times that I rushed this part of the process and I regretted it. A few times, too many for me, I have had to go back and delete or re-word something that should have been stated in a better way. Communicating in written words is not always the best form in which to express a complete thought. I think we all know that. But it is important to me that you know that each writing is prayed over before I click that “post” button.

So, once again I say “thank you”! Thank you for meeting with me here and for taking the time to read a few of my words that meagerly attempt to say something.

One year later I end once more...


May your visit here be relaxing, encouraging and--at times--challenging and thought provoking.

To God Alone the Glory!
Soli Deo Gloria!

Is It Really April?

April fool’s has rushed in and I feel the fool for glancing backward and wondering to myself where have January, February and March gone? Each year whisks by so much faster than the one before it. I keep waiting, hoping to get on top of my world, my 2009, and now I find that it is ¼ of the way complete.

Where have I been?

I have been here, but these first 3 months have been a time of great growth accompanied by great challenge. I look back and wish that I had taken the time to journal it all here so that I can remember the process better now and even more so in the future. But most of this maturing, this time, has taken a great emotional, physical and spiritual toll. I don’t think that I could have put it all into words while I was in its midst. Even now, words escape me.

God is so very real to me.

My wretched fleshliness is all the more real as well.

So it is. So it goes.

I have missed my time spent here in this corner of my world. I have missed writing. I am not sure if many are even still out there checking in and reading this today. I apologize for not having it together enough to have honestly and openly documented this season of my walk these past few months. But, then again, God knew it would be that way and so I suppose that is best.

For you see, I know that I get much more out of the writing than you could ever get out of the reading. So if the writing doesn’t come, then it wouldn’t have been worth the reading in the end.

I am so happy to share this road with each of you and so happy to be back in front of this screen.

As I continue to try to keep my face seeking His, may He alone be blessed by what is both written and read in this place.

Goodbye 2008

I’ll be real honest here...I will not be sad to see 2008 go! :) Not that the turning of one day to the next automatically means all the struggles and consequence of choice disappear...BUT, in our human minds, a new date on the calendar gives us hope for a new and fresh start.

This year was a very growing, stretching (read as mentally, emotionally and spiritually HARD!) season for me. I went down many paths that I had never planned to journey on and one that I never thought that I could. All under the watchful eye of my Heavenly Father. Therein lies the saving bit of peace and hope that I take with me into 2009. I will admit I would love a year of ease and tranquility. Wouldn’t we all! :) But I know that whatever this year unfolds before me, my Father has walked before me through it, so I trust....

More than anything else in the world, I pray for a year where my walk strengthens and my light brightens and my joy remains and my heart learns to love deeper, more empathetically and more passionately than ever before—like Jesus loved!

So again, 2009...a fresh, new year is about to unveil before us. What are your prayers for the coming year? What are your plans, dreams, passioned focus going to be in the days and months to come? God is the creator of new things; the Giver of fresh starts. I am going to Him for mine. How about you?

“Do not call to mind the former things or ponder things of the past. Behold, I will do something new, now it will spring forth; will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:18, 19

My Today

The desire I have is to be hopeful, expectant, looking forward with peace... The reality is that I am deeply saddened. I feel a dark around me that threatens to suffocate.

What I know is that God is on the throne and Jesus is King...King then, now and forever. What I feel is an aggitation and not a fear so much of the future--because I know what my future entails--but a fear of the ride ahead.

I think about the quiet rain of tears that waters buried prayers waiting for change. Waiting for better things. Waiting -- no, yearning --- for the return of the King and all the perfection we weep for. Ann Voskamp

I see compromise and lowering of His standards. I cringe. This is when I wish that I had a say in the salvation and continued sanctification of my own children. What they see around them as "acceptable". A watered down version of "Christ-like-ness". Will they want to run to it because it seems more palatable, more fun than what Dad and Mom are offering at home from the Word? Will our up and coming generation of believers believe enough, believe deeply, know what it is that they even believe to hold high the standard and shine as beacons of light in this dark, lost and dying world?

I wonder, I wait, I ask, I yearn and yes...I weep...

Some paths of the journey are just hard to walk. They are sad. They are difficult. They are frought with questions. They are what make us look heavenward and cry out..."Today, Lord...today would be a great day to come! Take us to perfection"

My Greatest Earthly Gift...

I wouldn't recommend this for everyone :) but this was God's plan for our lives.


My handsome husband and I met when his family began attending our church when I was 13 and he was 15. This picture is the earliest that I have of us--in our church gym following basketball and volleyball practice. It was taken a week or so after he had asked me "to go with him". The question to ask at that time in history if you wanted to date exclusively. :) I was 14 and he was 16. (November 1983)

This picture was taken on my 15th birthday. (January 1984)

Here are a couple pictures of us during our college years. We attended the same college in Idaho.

And then the wedding... (August 1989)

Yesterday--November 12, 2008--we celebrated the 25th anniversary from that day when, following a church youth group skating night, he asked me "to go with him" and I said "yes!" What sweet memories I have been gifted with. So many blessings over my life...

...but always my greatest earthly blessing will be this--my dear, sweet, handsome husband! He is the only man I ever loved and the only man I ever wanted. To this day, I am amazed that God so graciously gave Him to me.

What were the chances? With God...all things are possible! :)

What love! What wondrous love!!

For me...what wondrous love He has for me...what wondrous love He has for you!

He loves me! They both do... :)

Some Questions Answered...

Today I write in response to some questions I have been asked recently that I felt would be best to share in one posting with all of you--just in case these are some questions that you have had along with others who have specifically asked them...so here we go...

No... :) ... I am not pregnant. I have been inundated with emails and a couple of calls from friends/family asking since my post "To My Precious, Unseen Little One". As noted at the bottom, I wrote that piece for a very dear friend of mine who is newly expecting with a "surprise to her and hubby but not to God" pregnancy. I would be honored and grateful if the Lord of all heaven and earth should choose to bless my beloved and I once more. But as of today, our 6 precious blessings (and our little one in heaven) are whom God has chosen for this family, for this time in history.

There have been questions as to whether or not the movie "Fireproof" is appropriate for children. I understand that the cost of going to a movie 2 times can be prohibitive. Believe me when I say that this is not an easy time for us right now to put out the money for a box office repeat. That being said, we still felt that it was important that we watched the movie first and then I took the older 3 children (ages 17, 14, 11) the following evening. I cannot make the judgment call for your family as to whether or not it is appropriate for your children. We ourselves questioned our 11 (almost 12) year old going. They all enjoyed the movie and we have spent a lot of time since discussing (at their initiation) the different aspects of the movie as well as marriage and relationships in general. I hate to sound so inconclusive in my answer, but we are each responsible for what we allow in our children's lives. You may want to check out movie review links on the internet for more information on the storyline to help you in making your decision.

Since writing "Stirrings in the Heart", many have asked when I am going to reveal more of what God has been doing in my life personally. While I do plan to touch on several things that God has been showing me during this time, it would be absolutely impossible to "explain" it all in this format. It would take me pages to write and expound on all the background information needed for all that God is doing now to make sense to everyone. Does that make sense? :) Also, although I do write a lot about what God is teaching me and showing me through His precious Word, I have tried to be careful about not making this blog "all about me". The God given purpose behind this special place is to write that which God shows me in my walk with Him as I, through His wondrous grace, attempt to daily align my heart with His. Most of which I can feel confident in sharing with all of you here because those things pertain to all of us in many ways during our different stops along this journey. Also, when God brought the idea to mind for this blog, it was with the intention to encourage all of us to go to Him to direct us in our lives. Too often, it is too easy and too much of our habit to go to others and pick up on their ideas for our own walk. While we are to encourage one another, yes, and fellowship with one another, yes, and be real for one another, yes, and direct each other to God, yes!!!!, I want to be careful that my writings do not encourage anyone to follow after what I am doing, but seeking after what God wants YOU to be doing. Some of those things will be the same--seeking Him, spending time in the word, being open and responsive to the wooings of the Holy Spirit, growing in our sanctification, etc. But our paths on the journey can also look quite different while following all of those likenesses. I have found myself in my own walk be led off of my own path to follow after the ideas and ways of others--albeit good for them--not so good for me because they were not God's ways for my life and my family. I pray that this long explanation is making sense. :) Sometimes I think my middle name is "too many words...too much information!"

I have been asked how many people visit here each day. To be honest, I don't know. When I first started up I had a counter on my page because I saw everyone else with a blog have one--so I just added one too. It seemed like the bloggy thing to do :). God then reminded me, quite a while back now, that how many people who visited was not important to Him--my obedience in having this place was. That large or small He would lead those who needed to read the postings to this "special to me" place. So...no counters, no idea on numbers...but I am so glad that you are one of the ones that He has brought by! My prayer--daily--is that you would be blessed greatly by Him, encouraged and challenged in your own walk while here visiting! And if you have been, please email the blog link to others that you know. Perhaps something written here is meant for them to hear as well.

Finally, I want to encourage you to write to me at any time. If you scroll down the sidebar to the right, you will see a heading entitled "Questions or Comments?" I truly love hearing from each one of you and all that God is showing you and how He is growing you. All your notes encourage me greatly!

Remember that today is Thursday--please consider joining us in prayer for our country between 12 noon - 1:00 p.m. wherever you live and wherever you are at that time. God moves when His people join together in prayer! And as you pray today, please remember our brothers and sisters in India!

God bless each and everyone of you this day!

Soli Deo Gloria!
To God Alone the Glory!

Robin

Just Downright Embarassing!

This is what I am talking about folks! Get a load of the carrots out of my garden! If it wasn't so darn funny I'd cry over these sad little guys. Do you have any idea how much weeding I did with the hot sun beating down on me and burning the back of my head! Not counting all the miracle grow I sprayed on these fellas and slug bait I meticulously spread to protect them! Protect them from what? Even the slugs would have passed these babies by! Ugh!!!

Sometimes you just gotta laugh and see the funnies in the midst of the heartbreak!

Learning The Hard Way

I tried to tell her. She wouldn’t listen to my words. She didn’t believe me over the deception of the scent. The temptation was too much. I told her not to touch it, not to taste. When I turned my back she saw the opportunity she needed. She reached for the forbidden delicacy. Perhaps she hesitated, I don’t know. Perhaps she thought of all the times before when I told her “no honey, that is not good for you”. But having heard those words and believing them in her heart are entirely different. She saw her chance and took the opportunity presented to her. She reached, took, forsook my words of caution, tasted and...was repulsed!

No...vanilla extract does not taste as wonderful as it smells. Not even the pure kind.

She had to learn the hard way.

Don’t we all sometimes?

He tells us in His loving words from the Book how to live, how not to live. Sometimes we listen to the words and sometimes...we do not. We don’t believe they are all deceptions—that’s why they deceive us. The temptation can be strong. His words instruct us to keep our distance. He cautions, warns, instructs, judges and punishes.

He never turns His back on us, but He allows us the freedom to choose—obey or disobey, turn towards or turn and flee, seek Me or seek self. Eve reached for the forbidden delicacy as well. We are her easily deceived daughters.

Perhaps we hesitate. Do we listen to the Holy Spirit’s caution? Perhaps we grow tired ourselves of saying “no” to the things of the world—we grow weary of being different and wonder what we might be missing out on. We know in our hearts His ways are best and yet...we wonder some times and want something different other times. Are these restrictive ways truly for a purpose? Daily we are presented with opportunities for this choosing. Do we reach? Do we take of it or forsake the pleasures of the world as the Spirit cautions?

Some times we taste the world and we are repulsed. Repulsed by our actions, our choice as well as the outcome. We knew better, we had been directed, our Father had penned the warning through His faithful followers in the Book. No, the ways of the world are not as wonderful as they present themselves to be. Not even always the ways of the Church, ways which should be pure.

Some times we have to learn the hard way.

The terrible taste lingered on her tongue. She was forgiven, but the consequence remained. I didn’t allow her to drink or eat anything for little while as a reminder to listen to her Mama. She knows now a little better to trust her Mama's words. They are not restrictive to be cruel, but because she is greatly loved and Mama only wants to protect and give the best to her precious child.

She learned today that Mama’s ways are best.

Our poor choices—our outright acts against God—can linger in our lives. We can be forgiven, but the consequences and ripple effects of such remain. This is our fair punishment, our discipline from our loving Father. He is hopeful that next time we will remember and heed His words. We know better next time to trust in His words. They, too, are not restrictive nor meant to be cruel. His teachings are to protect us, to keep us “unto Him until that day”.

Because we are greatly loved, He gave us His best—His perfect Son, Jesus Christ. We too are precious.

“How precious are Thy thoughts to me, O God!” Psalm 139:17a.

Daily we learn that His ways are best.

Today's Serenade

Each day carries through in song.

Rhythm, melody, tempo, style and pitch either flow harmoniously or incompatibly depending on the dynamics. We float from note to note. Each line, each crescendo building then decrescendo falling...growing and softening...until the culmination of notes create the music for the day.

There are days full of beautiful textures making for a rich, embodied concerto. Others clank around like “turkey in the straw” plunked on an old wash tub. At times the song follows written notation only to suddenly break into improvisation. One minute may be in full orchestration while the next gently acoustic.

The structure may be somewhat of my composing, however, the sheet music we dance to is ultimately penned by the Great Composer.

Each moment of each day is penetrated with music to hum along to, cry with, dance to or sing with. Music to be filled with or float by. Styles differ and the rhythm can be interrupted in the midst of its course. No two days are alike. No two sound the same.

Each day its own serenade.

Every lifetime a magnum opus.

Isn't She Lovely...Isn't She Wonderful!

No, this isn’t a post on Stevie Wonder, but a thanks to Danielle “the Wonder at blog design” for the beautiful new look she’s given this little corner of my world.

My patient new friend did such an incredible job! I look at those “kits” you’re supposed to choose from for design and can only hyperventilate. How she saw this in the midst, I will never know. This is definitely an area where I am creatively lacking.

This dear soul had to not only design but calm my worried worries as to how it would all turn out in the end. The path to this end involved several “redo’s” and “what do you think of this’s” and “I think I picked the wrong kit for me's”! Poor Danielle, I’m sure I was the most...umm...interesting (read as stressful) client she’s been blessed to work with yet in her one year of business.

Speaking of which, until Sunday she is having a sale on blog makeovers. She is celebrating her anniversary month from starting her business last August. I was one of the fortunate souls that just happened into her site on her one day, half-off sale celebrating her actual first day in business. Yippee!! As frugal as I love to be, nothing beats a great deal better than getting a lovely new friend to boot and a beautiful place to come visit.

Many thanks, Danielle! Your giftings are more appreciated than you know! Truly you have talent, not only in web design but in making friends and helping them to feel right at home in your creativity.

Thank you for making this special place truly, 100% me!

Escape

This is a brief glimpse into some of my recent todays...

A whiney voice asking for milk (repeatedly) without using that magic word “please” that we have rehearsed time after time, day after day...

A desperate nap interrupted by the smoke detector sounding off after being repulsed by the smell of burning fudge being made by the 14 y.o....

The plate of eggs dropped to the floor...

A torn vertical blind from the sliding glass door leading to the deck...

The full glass of water negligently left out that was knocked over by someone, spilling across the stack of library books...

The library book most saturated...one on potty training, as the 3 ½ y.o. decides that eliminating in the toilet is not a necessity in life, but an intrusion to her rights to be uncomfortable and smelly if she so chooses...

The weeds that don’t take a hint from the last time they were pulled that they are an unwelcome intruder to my vegetable garden...

The deer who take it upon themselves to eat my tomatoes, peppers and zucchini...

Numerous pages of a beautiful copy of beloved Puritan prayers (given to me by my dear friend) scribbled on with colored pencil...

The phone call from a desperate grandmother that I am trying to help pack up to move closer to my parents accusing me of not leaving her a single pan with which to cook her eggs (this after asking repeatedly whether or not she wanted any pans left out)...

The 20 month old screaming as if I were pulling out his fingernails because he dislikes baths so (loves water, pools, puddles...but not baths)...

Rearranging the numbers on our budget for the umpteenth time to add to, once again, the utilities, grocery and gasoline categories...

An overflowing desk of coupons to be clipped and filed, homeschooling paraphernalia to be gone through, lists of projects waiting for my attention and a myriad of other items all bidding for my time...

Husband calling to say he won’t be home until late as he needed to schedule a dinner meeting after his job for the day eliminating all chances of the smaller ones getting to bed with a cheerful smile, loving song and sweet book read to them. (I did brush their teeth, however)...

The incessant, unending cry of the word “Mama”, “Mommy” or “Mom” that begins to reverberate in my mind to the point that I believe I will go insane with the next call...

I escape into a favorite movie like Pride & Prejudice or Jane Eyre. Perhaps a light hearted episode of Avonlea or The Andy Griffith Show. I want to be entertained, romanced perhaps, I am looking for that “happily ever after” at the end of the story that doesn’t particularly happen at the end of each day's story here in this home.

We humans are complex and yet so predictable.

My head throbs, my eye twitches, my aging body aches over chores that once, not too long ago, were easy tasks of little physical consequence. So I look to escape again...

Perhaps into a book, the internet or just into my thoughts as I lay down to rest and imagine a different scenario my life could have taken (not likely...as I do not have Jane Austin writing my life story :) and yet it seems so much more exciting...tantalizing. The difficult days are passed over within a few turned pages in a book or scenes on the screen. There are servants to attend to the messes and the children. There is the handsome suitor to stir within me the romance that I (think I) ache for. Ahh...to escape...

The consequences of such escapes: More dissatisfaction with my true reality...more disappointment with my real world.

But God...He knows my weaknesses far better than I do myself.

“God, I pray that you would keep my heart attentive to “my” world. Not the worlds (fact or fiction) of others. Keep my mind stayed on Thee and on Thy word which is the source for writing my life’s song and my heart’s dance. This world that I live in, this life that is mine, it has been given to me by You. You are the Creator of all and You created my world just for me and for me only. May I relish and rejoice in that truth, not desire escape. Keep my thoughts turned to You and those that I love. Keep my attention on growing in Christlikeness not worldliness. When I allow myself to escape, I enter a dream world of others that keeps me from being an active participant in my own world. I suffer for it. Those who share the journey with me suffer as well. I thank you for “down time”. I appreciate the rest that it brings to my emotions, to my soul. I enjoy the enjoyment. But forbid my “escape” to the point that I choose “make believe” over “God made”. My world is a gift, a treasure unearthed daily for Your Glory. May I live within this world of mine recognizing it for the blessing that it is and do so in a way that is pleasing to You!”

A few minutes remain to start working on the pile overflowing my desk until I head back over to Grandma’s...with a frying pan in hand.