Friday, November 4, 2011

His Desire vs. My Comfort—Relevant ‘11

How about some more honesty . . . {not like I practice lying here or nuthin’! J}

God loves it when we Sisters are open with one another—honest, transparent . . . vulnerable!  But those are usually the furthest comforts away in our comfort-zone.

That is, however, how this little corner of my world got started.

Several friends and I were part of a yahoo group where we shared with each other some of the moments from our day where we verifiably caught Jesus.  We would write a little something explaining what was going on and how God showed up.  We all passionately loved Jesus and wanted to consciously STOP in our day and take notice whenever we saw God in the moment with us.

After awhile, I seemed to be the only one who was writing.  A couple of these friends encouraged me to start a blog.  I had never heard the word before!  I talked with God about it and waited while He amazingly put confirmations in my heart and by other means.  It’s funny when I look back on that memory now.  I was so excited about something I knew nothing about!

From the beginning, the vulnerability to write what was going on in my life was difficult.  Over time, I had grown quite private.  I held my stories to myself.  To share with a group of 20 or so gals in a secure corner of Yahoo was one thing!  To openly share with whoever happened to come along on the world-wide web was very much another.

I know this is getting long, but hang with me . . . I really am going somewhere with this! J

What has evolved over time has been an openness to share my struggles and what I am learning as I walk with Jesus, but I have neglected to include the road conditions we are walking on!

I am an imperfect, sinful, hurting person living with seven six other {oops . . . that’s right, my sweet oldest moved out!} imperfect, sinful, hurting people.  I’m attached to many others through family, church, ministry, Facebook, Homeschool Co-op and run-ins at the neighborhood grocery store and YMCA.
Life is hard and we are busy. 
Injustices assault us. 
Satan lies and lures.
And we are dust in need of a Savior.

I have been writing about what happens between that Savior and I when bumps happen in the road, when it gets stormy or when the road seems washed out completely.  But I haven’t done a very faithful job of including you in on the action behind the quiet with God.

There’s a fine line to this.  Those handsome teenage boys of mine do not want their names scratched in this place as part of one of mom’s posts! 

But I want to find that line.
I think we both need me to!
I need to become a better storyteller! 
The telling of the end result means less when you don’t know how the story begins.  
Sometimes I will only be able to jump in during the unfolding—
whatever is best for all.  
But I need to start practicing.

  • I have not been comfortable writing much concerning my husband’s recent stroke. 
  • I opened up a little when I suffered my second miscarriage.  I was unconscious at the time and just wrote.  As I woke up, I closed up.  I’ll need to watch for that again.
  • I shared some of "my journey from ruins” but, again, grew uncomfortable and stopped. 
  • I have wanted to ask questions of you—to include you in our conversation.  Friends can only become when there is equal dialogue!  But my fear of silence following the question mark has caused me not to ask.

Transparency in my walk with Jesus has become easier for me. 
The vulnerability to openly share the pits and stumbles along the way has not. 

All parts of each one’s story is important. 
I want to know some of yours. 
And I need to share more of mine so we all feel safe in this place.