Embracing Change

A child presses a bouquet of dandelions and grass into my hands as I watch another drive away—her car filled to capacity with belongings.  She drives up the lane with her Dad quick behind in the truck full of furniture that once filled her Great Grandmother’s home.

My heart is full.  My throat pinched to the point of choking.

I was not prepared when she joined our home. 

I am not prepared as she leaves.

Twenty minutes later I am answering the doorbell pressed by a handsome, brown-haired and brown-eyed little man.  This time I receive a wishing flower (known to most as a seeded dandelion).  I watch my next oldest drive up the lane with a wave of the hand through the open car window.  He is off to take the entrance test for acceptance to the local college education program for High Schoolers.

Excitement, pride, sadness—a tangling of emotions brim and spill.

A conversation I remember having with myself comes to mind.  As a young Mama of 3 little ones who now stand taller than my 5’8” frame, I vowed to mother in such a way that I would never look back with regret.

Today . . . I fight feelings of failure in wrappings of regret. 

Unfortunately, we not only parent in our strengths but out of our weaknesses, hurts, woundings and habitual emotional responses formed over the years to compensate for or deal with those issues that press our buttons of insecurity, rejection, fear, inadequacy and unworthiness.

Can I ask for a do-over?

I know I could do it better—maybe?

—if I could try again with what I know now . . . 

who I am now . . . 

how God has healed me . . . 

now . . .

In walks grace.  How grateful I am for grace.

I have loved & mothered the best I knew with the best & worst of me. 

I have brought them all to Jesus’ lap the only way I knew how.

I have failed to mother perfectly, but I have loved deeply, faithfully

 . . . with a forever-stuck-with-me-cheering-you-on tenacity.

A little bit of the enemy, a little bit of the flesh mingle to stir up a lot of anxiety.  I take authority over my mind and all thoughts contrary to Christ.  

Christ!  

My Savior who saves my failings.  

My Redeemer who redeems my mistakes.

  

The One the grave could not hold, holds me while resurrecting all lack.  He holds my heart, lifts my head, smiles on me wide while washing away all regret with glorious hope!

The season of parenting my older ones fades into the next.  
Will I do well? 

I will pray for them more than I ever have. 

I will fight for them in the spiritual realm. 

I will like them like crazy!

The one who has become my live-in friend and accountability partner returns for the last of her things.  While waiting for her Dad she plays my favorite song on her harp.  I sit on the floor in the dark hallway to listen.  I grieve the end of this time with her.  Nineteen years have gone fast.  Much too fast!

Mixed up thoughts mix with littles calling me to the fire-pit for roasting marshmallows.  The middle-little has a sliver in her foot.  I go to them knowing their years alongside me will also pass quickly for this mother-heart. 

Embrace the dandelions. 

Embrace the change. 

Embrace the vital. 

Embrace the moments that make the lifetime.

“I just know that the longer I parent the more I want to focus on doing a few things really well, and not get too passionate about all the rest. I want to spend time with my kids, teach them the Bible, take them to church, laugh with them, cry with them, discipline them when they disobey, say sorry when I mess up, and pray like crazy. I want them to look back and think, “I’m not sure what my parents were doing or if they even knew what they’re were doing. But I always knew my parents loved me and I knew they loved Jesus.” Maybe it’s not that complicated after all.”    Kevin DeYoung

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Joining Raising Homemakers, Women Living Well, {Titus 2}sDays, We Are That Family and Far Above Rubies

My Girls

Today we are preparing our home for 13 little ladies to join us for "tea" tomorrow.  My eldest daughter and I have been excitedly planning the menu, the activities, and the fun to celebrate our two littlest ladies and their friends in what we love to do regularly around here.

Have tea parties!!!  

Let me introduce you to my girls alongside some pictures of us enjoying our favorite Tea Room.  Although we would love to visit weekly, we traditionally share High Tea together here on the last day of the year.

I look at these beautiful girls and
I. am. speechless!

Who am I?

No one . . . with not much to offer no one.

And yet . . . God!

God, who is my everything, offers me more than I could ever even imagine that I would want!


The girl who dreamed of a career (and maybe a baby or 2 on the side) is offered an unimaginable dream come true!

Brianne Elizabeth . . .

The first.

The offspring that springs me into motherhood . . .

ready or not . . .

. . . and I was not!

I still remember the fear as we left the hospital the morning after she was born. "How could you possibly let this baby come home with me!  I have no idea what I am doing!  I could hurt her!!!"

And yet, there were other babies to care for so this one was sent with me.

My first, my oldest, my graduate (who survived the transition from private school, to public school, to homeschool with a mother who was reading the books and crying while we began learning a new way of learning—together).  Now, my sister and sojourner with Christ.  A fellow Prayer Counselor at our church.  My dearest friend and desperately needed accountability partner!  I learned a new way to love from her. . . as a mother.

 Faith Charis . . .

 ( the Greek word for "grace" . . .  for her name, we pronounce it "ka-rees")

All our children are gifts of grace— every baby is a grace baby!

Faith was our first gift given out of faith to trust Him more . . .

trust Him in homeschooling
trust Him with how to grow them up
trust Him not to let me screw up too much and mess them up
trust Him with who He wanted to be in our family
trust Him to bless my womb—or not—however He chose 
trust Him to reverse the broken "fix" we had allowed

Being her Mama has grown deep my faith and widened the narrow view I had of grace.  No sweeter name . . . no sweeter face . . . no sweeter, sweet girl than my Miss Faith!


Jelena Joy . . .

(pronounced Ja-lay-na and meaning "filled with praise" so yep . . . put that altogether and you've got "filled with joyful praise!" Nice huh . . . yeah, I think so! :)

This young lady is quite a pistol and I see great accomplishments in her future because this girl doesn't give up or in easily.

She's something else . . . let me tell you!

She is the one God used to bring me to the feet of my Savior when I realized I could no longer do all that I was trying to do out of my own strength.  It took me awhile, but after a few years of ugly (much ugly) God graciously brought me to a place of sweet surrender that never would have happened had I not taken the earlier plunge into faith.

My joy!  My precious Jelena Joy!

Together, they are 3 of the most beautiful ladies in the world.  The soft, feminine side of my world.

So many mother so much better than I do!  

So many times I fall short or flat out fail at this!

Just one more reason why I am so desperately 
dependent upon Jesus and grateful for His grace!  
Because I need so much of it.
They need it in me!

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This Is The Day . . .

. . . the Lord has made.

Let us rejoice . . .

. . . and be glad . . .

. . . in it!

Psalm 118:24


What are you rejoicing in and over today?





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His Mercies Are New—EVERY Morning!

My mornings are pretty routine around here. 

Get up early. 

Meet with Jesus. 

Write some words. 

Pray to the background music of pug snores. 

He snorts and snores and sneezes all over our feet.  

His name is Samson.  

And for the past 10 years he has been the loyal, trustworthy, family best friend that writers have proclaimed canines to be through all of history.  

He has put up with A LOT being part of this family!!!

 

He wakes for no man . . . or woman . . . until bodily functions require he leave the warm house and his warm pillow.

So imagine my surprise when I stumble down at 3:35 a.m. to find the smashed nosed wonder standing next to my husband in the kitchen.  “What’s he doing up so early?” I asked.  It had to be because he “sensed” it was his master and not his mistress this early morning.  They have an impenetrable bond where I withhold affection due to my abhorrence of dog hair and pet messes.  He’d never get up this early if it were just me! 

And off we went to drop hubby off at the airport. 

When I came back through the door at 5:30 I was surprised to find that our eldest daughter was not downstairs yet.  She needed to leave for work in 15 minutes and I had sped down the freeway worked hard to get back to the house in time.  The 2 older boys were gone for a rare overnighter with some friends.  The Littles sound asleep upstairs as I set down my purse and headed for the teapot. 

In the other room I heard a crashing sound.  I thought my coming home had startled one of the cats who then proceeded to knock something off of something.  But when I got to that room and turned on the light I was surprised to find our Sam struggling. 

It took me several minutes to get him settled while I pet him and begged Jesus.  My daughter came down the stairs about that time and she went for his kennel.  We got him inside—as safe and comfortable as possible. 

She left for work.  

I went upstairs to wake dreamers.  

We prayed together the 30 minute drive to the emergency vet.  

I prayed silently to myself words of gratitude for an animal I had often complained about over the years.  {“Oh Jesus . . . he loved me better than I loved him.  Isn't that how it is with you too?!”}

How perspective alters our selfishness!

A stroke or brain aneurysm altered this faithful family friend . . .

We left broken . . . and . . . friendless.

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; 

His mercies never come to an end; 

they are new every morning; 

great is Your faithfulness.”  

Lamentations 3:22, 23

“If you are in every moment God . . . if you sufficiently equip me for every experience . . . show me You today—in these difficult moments—in the saying good-bye to a very devoted companion.  I want to see your grace in this morning, because where the grace is, there Your joy will be found.  And I am desperate for your joy—and for the peace that only You can give!”

God—in His promised faithful kindness—reveals His morning of mercies:

• Sam was awake early before my husband left . . . a special good-bye for special friends!
• My sons were gone . . . I could not rely on them for help—thus they never saw their dog suffer!
• My daughter came down late and had to leave right away . . . she was able to get the kennel so that I didn’t have to leave Sam, but she too missed much!
• The Littles did not see him until he was kenneled . . . they were groggy with sleep and did not realize how serious or sad the situation was!
• We prayed together on the drive . . . they experienced personally that ALL THINGS are important to OUR GOD!
• There really were no options for me to take at the vet . . . I was saved the guilt of having to make the wise financial decision!
• The sad drive home without their furry friend . . . all the heaven and Jesus questions I could answer were asked, because—yes!  I do believe there will be animals in heaven!  And if I am surprised to find they are not when I get up there, then it won't matter—but I believe all His creation is loved by Him and if there is to be no lack in heaven, then I believe animals will be part of the fulfillment! 

As I was talking Jesus and heaven to the Littles on the drive home, Nate asked if Samson was now "new".  What a wonderful question and life moment to share with them that, yes—Samson is fully, completely new and one day we will be too . . . when we get to heaven to be with him and Jesus!

Until then . . . until that “new” . . .

We are assured of His love. 

We are assured of His care. 

We are assured of His faithfulness.

We are assured of His compassion. 

We are assured of His mercies. 

“for they are new every morning”

Thank you, Jesus, for creating this wonderful friend for our family to love! 
We'll miss you Samson—as well as your snorts, sneezes & snoring 

. . . thank you for loving us so well!

(4/21/2001 — 2/21/2011)

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Begin by thanking Him

for some little thing, 

and then go on,

day by day,

adding to your subjects of praise

until you see in everything

some cause for thanksgiving.

~Priscilla Maurice~

The day just wouldn't be complete

without losing to these two in a game!

Chess anyone????

Turn, Turn, Turn

To every thing—turn, turn, turn...

There is a season—turn, turn, turn...

And with the turning of the tassel—one side to the other—my 10 year commitment to home educate this child comes to an end.  

The end of one season for Brianne...and the beginning of another...

Thus begins another season for us as mother and daughter...as a family...

The ceremony consisted of prayers, sharing of life verses, musical performances and the commencement address...

Followed by tributes from the grad to parents and from the parents to their grad...










Finally, the presentation of diplomas...

God...I thank you for this special day!  I thank you for the honor and privilege it has been to learn alongside this special daughter of Yours! Thank you for Your grace and its covering over my shortcomings!  Thank you, Father, for your unfailing faithfulness!  Your goodness towards me is overwhelming!  Thank you for the blessing of this season!  As we turn into another, we walk confidently knowing you are already waiting to meet us there.  Thank you for your love and the assurance that your face is always turned toward us...wherever we are, whatever the season...Amen!

Mother's Day Tribute To Our Mom's

By grace alone we each received a loving mother. 

By grace alone we each received two. 

Two loving mothers—one when we were conceived and the other when we wed.

“Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.”  John 15:13

So how could this verse be applied to Mothers?

Greater love has no one than this, than a mother who lays down her life (her dreams, her aspirations, her self) for her child.

 

The love of Jesus!  His love lays down.  It doesn’t pick up and pick at, it doesn't feel picked on or picked apart.  His love gives regardless of receiving.  So does a loving mother.

I believe that when God created “the mother” it was with His creating, nurturing, compassionate nature in mind.  He loves mothers because, like no one else, they have the daily opportunity to intently reflect His son Jesus to those within their reach.  No one is more attentive than a child to his mother.  No one so desires to please another than a child his mother.  No one looks up to another like a child to his mother.

“Her children rise up and call her blessed.”  Proverbs 31:28a

This year—this day—we make our blessing public.  We want to express our sincere gratitude for all that their love meant and for all that their love cost.

They both have always, only showed us love; sometimes great and sacrificial love, sometimes wise or experiential counsel, and sometimes quiet yet stalwart support.  Differing expression, yet always love.

By grace alone have we been so blessed.

By grace alone have we received more than our due.

The family is God’s greatest earthly institution.  The man its head, the woman its heart.  The father its security, the mother its spirit.  Our mother’s, whose hearts belong to Christ, spirit their home by the Holy Spirit.  Their fruit reflect His.

 

We are grateful for their generosity, their encouragement, their smiles and their friendship!  We have always been proud to call them “mine”.

We are grateful for the grandmother each one of them is to our children.  Their unique personalities reflected in godly character!  What joy, by grace alone, our own children experience at the loving hands of these “grand mothers”.

 

Treasures are you!  Treasured you are!

We humbly, and with great short comings due to lacking words, desire to express to you both today—on this your celebrated day as Mom—our love in return.

Patricia and Juanita

Today we rise up and call you blessed.  Every day we are grateful.  Today we pause to whisper loudly in your ear...“thank you”...“you are loved”...“you are appreciated”!

Know every day the undeniable fact that is doubtlessly true—neither us nor our children would be who we are today had it not been for loving mothers like you!

By grace alone...

Love,

Chuck and Robin

Nate's Stitches

Many of you have been following my journey here, as well as that of my family, for quite some time now.  Just writing that is humbling.  There is nothing sweeter than the fellowship of the body—of building one another up in the Lord.  

Here's the latest in the McKay family saga...

While my husband and I were at our Action Group Sunday night, minutes before bedtime (of course), Faith (6 y.o.) had a toy Nate (3 y.o.) wanted.  Nate lost "the discussion".  He fell and hit the corner of the hose outlet for our vacuum cleaner.  We got the call from the Bigs to come home and headed to the hospital.  The story he repeated constantly the 30 minute drive to the hospital was "Faith threw me to the wall!"  :)

We got him up to the hospital a bit before 9:00 p.m. but they were really busy and didn't get to him until after midnight.  Pretty traumatic!  They mummified him in a contraption so he couldn't move with a nurse holding his head still (which was scary) then kept giving him shots around the eye to numb him (which hurt and was even more scary).  They were so pleased with how well he did for his age and being so tired. So were we!  It was a very deep cut so inner stitches were needed as well as the outer ones.  

The poor guy was so confused.  He thought the doctor was just going to take his owie off.  Boy, did that NOT happen—instead the doctor gave him more owies!  He went from being everyone's darling ("He is sooo cute!") and eating up the attention to "just get me outta here!"

First man scar, here we come! :) 

Tea For Three

Nate needs a little work on his "tea time" etiquette! Much to the girls horror, he drank lemonade instead of real tea, he drank his "tea" from the spout of the teapot, spilled the cream all over himself and well...just made a mess in general.

Faith's comment with hands on her hips was, "Nate sure needs a lot of practice with tea parties!"

Perhaps, but he's sure got cuteness down to a "T"!

Visiting Aslan

Visiting the Lion by way of the wardrobe...

I may try visiting our closets today in hopes of a surprise......
Actually, I probably will find plenty of surprises in the closets around here! :)


~Brianne taking the Littles on an adventure with Aslan~