It’s About the Lies

That big fear of mine?  It didn’t just come about as my children came of age!

My fear of failing as a mother grew as they grew.

My fear of failing God in my mothering grew as the evidence stacked against me.

What I have learned of our enemy is that he is not creative—he doesn’t have to be.  He just has to know human nature.  And he does.  He has studied us for years.  He plays off our weaknesses . . . which he’s figured out while watching us be mistreated over the years.  

Sinful people have sinned against us.  

Hurting people have hurt us.

And we've reacted.

He saw this young, naïve, hurting-for-attention girl get duped by a man in spiritual authority over her.  And the spin he fed her thoughts was that she was a failure to God. 

Had he—had anyone—spoken those words to her at the time, she would never have agreed.

“Jesus loves me, this I KNOW!” 

But seeds only grow when they are nurtured.  And there is enough sun, water and fertilizer in this world to give the fields of failure a bumper crop!

And in me—the harvest was bountiful.

“How have I failed Thee . . . let me count the ways!”

At age 13, the field was plowed.

In my 40’s, I discovered the field flourishing.

We can deny we are in a battle all we want.  It does not change the facts.  We are.  In a battle!

The battle is real. 

And it is fierce. 

The costs are high. 

Spoils for either side. 

Souls!

I thought all these insecure thoughts were my own!

Not realizing I had a REAL enemy!  An enemy willing to take advantage of my hurt!

I believe now the lie he fed me then was, “You failed God.”

And as I grew older the lie grew with me to, “You will always fail God!”

Every time I did something wrong, or said something dumb, or didn’t accomplish something expected, or made a disaster of something—that failure got filed in the box labeled with the original lie.

Time goes by.  Years accumulate.  Failures rise.

Babies are born.  Children grow.  Young adults now stand before me.

And I realize my fear has frozen me.

Can there be enough grace to save the children of such a failure like me?

How could I imagine raising godly children for the Kingdom?

How could I ever foster a close-knit, loving home?

How could I hope to ever win my children’s hearts to myself—let alone God???

I am a failure to God!

I will surely fail at the biggest task He could ever ask me to do!

So the lie goes . . . Until . . . 

The darkness collides with Light.  

The lie exposed.  

The access point revealed.  

The repentance of sins and renouncing of untruths.

Not only is the forgiveness sweet, but something big implodes within!

Satan’s control.

His lies are the epicenter of his control within our soul—our minds, wills and emotions!

When Satan's lies are exposed, 

his power over us implodes!

So what lies have you believed?

What version of the truth has our enemy fed you?

What hurt from long ago could have given access to thoughts now tormenting you?

Maybe today is the day to ask, seek and knock!

Maybe today is your day for the chains to fall free!

I Have a Fear—A Deep Fear of Failing as a Mom!

I fear I have or I will fail my children.

I fear I have or I will fail God in raising them.

I fear—

What I do or don’t do . . .

What I say or don’t say . . .

What I allow or don’t allow . . .
I fear—

If the “whatever” is not received well by them that in rejecting me, my advice, my council, or my perspective of what is “best for them” . . . 

I fear they will reject God.

I fear they will reject God and it will be because of my failure to mother them well. 

However “well” looks for each of them as individuals.

This is fresh revelation, but I have seen its evidence.

There are so many things in this life that just. don’t. matter!

Loving my children well is not one of them.

I am crazy gone over my kids!

As much as I’d like to take their choice away, I can’t!

Just as grace drew me to my knees as a 20-something, tired-out, masquerading, Christ-following fake . . . 

so grace must draw each one of them.

How I wish I had control!

But I don’t.

All I can do is— 

love them,

pray for them,

discipline them,

while discipling them

the best I can with— 

what they will receive, 

what they will listen to, 

with only the wisdom & understanding grace has gifted up to today.

No one can go back.

There are no do-over’s in parenting.

Regret threatens to devour my sanity!

As I cling to my Redeemer—

He loves, 

He prays, 

He disciplines, 

and He disciples me 

all the while redeeming— 

my mistakes, 

my sins, 

my poor choices, 

my “woulda-coulda-shoulda’s” 

and “if only’s”.

Nothing escapes Him.

Nothing is unredeemable for Him.

Nothing reaches beyond His touch.

Fear cannot coincide with Christ! 

So I repent and let healing waters of forgiveness rush my soul.

This freedom of forgiveness deepens trust.

Only He can save.

I cannot.

I can release!

I can trust!

I can pray!

I can rebuke!

I can battle!

I can encourage!

I can challenge!

I can correct!

I can question!
I can love!

I can Mother my best and trust God for the rest—cheesy, but truth!

"Thank you, Jesus, that fear is not my destiny—only my chains.  It was for freedom that You came—for me as well as for my children.  In the power and authority of your name and in your blood, please break these chains threatening to overtake my joy, my hope . . . my peace.  You love them so much more than I.  You love perfect.  Thank you for perfect love casting out all fear!  You know my hopes, my dreams, my prayers for them—and I know they are safe within Your care.  Abba, I love you!  Abba, I belong to you!  Abba, I trust you!  Abba, You are enough!  In this.  In everything.  You are enough!  Amen."

Do you have a fear threatening your faith today?




{Continued in this post on how Satan feeds our thoughts lies . . .}

The Difference In Lists

In April, 2009, I wrote the following article for Above Rubies magazine; Issue 76.  I came across it the other day and . . . well . . . got sorta smacked in the face.  Today I share it with you as a reminder to us both of what is important in our lives—time spent in relationship with those we love!

Deep blessings and peace as you walk with Jesus,
Robin

“It is not how much you do,
But how much love you put in the doing”

Mother Theresa’s words got me thinking. We women are famous for our daunting “could never accomplish in three days let alone one” TO DO lists. What if, instead of making a list at the beginning of the day of all that needs to get accomplished, we turn it around a bit? What if we made a list at the end of the day of all the “unseen” acts of love? I believe this list would be more telling as to how productive the day actually was.

Imagine the following…it won’t be much of a stretch, I promise :

• kissed and bandaged an invisible “owie”
• read baby his favorite book seven times
• held my tongue when the boys traipsed mud through the house after digging up all the flower bulbs along the front walkway
• officiated over a toilet funeral for the beloved goldfish
• sang a song and smiled each time a diaper was changed—that would have been 27 times
• lovingly rocked and soothed a little one cutting teeth
• spent all night cleaning up vomit since all the children decided to share their germs with one another
• made Daddy’s favorite dinner
• gently combed the tangles out of daughters hair
• softly, calmly soothed an autistic son as his frustration began to escalate
• fulfilled a request made by hubby that seemed unimportant
• stayed on top of the day’s lessons although feeling mentally spent
• set down the day’s lessons recognizing tensions were high over that math concept
• lovingly picked up a crabby baby who really should have napped longer, knowing it was going to be a long evening
• forgot about needing a shower and smelled in the sweet aroma of the new baby
• asked for forgiveness after being too quickly bothered by an act of childishness
• disciplined rightly, lovingly and firmly when an infraction of God’s or house rules occurred
• played a game instead of spending those few precious “free” minutes in a book
• got off the computer when wanting to “surf” a little longer, knowing it had been enough
• baked chocolate chip cookies and let everyone have a spoon of dough
• started up a pillow fight
• listened intently to older son explain how something works that you have little to no interest in
• opened ears and closed mouth when older daughter wanted to “talk”
• gratefully accepted a bouquet of dandelions (or swamp grass :)
• drove to Homeschool Co-op when wanting to stay in the bathrobe all day
• danced with either Prince Charming or Cinderella
• graciously accepted tea and crumpets served on plastic dishes, resembling water and stale crackers
• read a book to kids old enough to read to themselves
• made popcorn for family movie night
• cheerfully helped with a science project knowing a big mess was awaiting in the end
• drove a child to the Special Olympics event and cheered for everyone
• laughed when really wanting to cry

We still need that TO DO list. It keeps us focused, on track and accomplishing those things that are our responsibility. Maybe we could add to the top of that list, after the word “do”, the words “in God’s time”. Offering up our time to God (Psalm 32:15) to be used as He desires is a beautiful act of worship (Romans 12:1).

I’m going to make my list tonight and I encourage you to do the same. I think you’ll be amazed to see how much love you put in your doing today even if it looks like not much got done. Similarly, if you don’t have a lot to add to that LOVE list but you got a lot accomplished from the day’s TO DO list, keep that in mind when writing out the next day’s list. Maybe “love a little bit more” should be at the top of that one.

Just a thought...

Linked up with {Titus 2}sDays, Raising Homemakers, We Are That Family, Women Living Well and Far Above Rubies

Embracing Change

A child presses a bouquet of dandelions and grass into my hands as I watch another drive away—her car filled to capacity with belongings.  She drives up the lane with her Dad quick behind in the truck full of furniture that once filled her Great Grandmother’s home.

My heart is full.  My throat pinched to the point of choking.

I was not prepared when she joined our home. 

I am not prepared as she leaves.

Twenty minutes later I am answering the doorbell pressed by a handsome, brown-haired and brown-eyed little man.  This time I receive a wishing flower (known to most as a seeded dandelion).  I watch my next oldest drive up the lane with a wave of the hand through the open car window.  He is off to take the entrance test for acceptance to the local college education program for High Schoolers.

Excitement, pride, sadness—a tangling of emotions brim and spill.

A conversation I remember having with myself comes to mind.  As a young Mama of 3 little ones who now stand taller than my 5’8” frame, I vowed to mother in such a way that I would never look back with regret.

Today . . . I fight feelings of failure in wrappings of regret. 

Unfortunately, we not only parent in our strengths but out of our weaknesses, hurts, woundings and habitual emotional responses formed over the years to compensate for or deal with those issues that press our buttons of insecurity, rejection, fear, inadequacy and unworthiness.

Can I ask for a do-over?

I know I could do it better—maybe?

—if I could try again with what I know now . . . 

who I am now . . . 

how God has healed me . . . 

now . . .

In walks grace.  How grateful I am for grace.

I have loved & mothered the best I knew with the best & worst of me. 

I have brought them all to Jesus’ lap the only way I knew how.

I have failed to mother perfectly, but I have loved deeply, faithfully

 . . . with a forever-stuck-with-me-cheering-you-on tenacity.

A little bit of the enemy, a little bit of the flesh mingle to stir up a lot of anxiety.  I take authority over my mind and all thoughts contrary to Christ.  

Christ!  

My Savior who saves my failings.  

My Redeemer who redeems my mistakes.

  

The One the grave could not hold, holds me while resurrecting all lack.  He holds my heart, lifts my head, smiles on me wide while washing away all regret with glorious hope!

The season of parenting my older ones fades into the next.  
Will I do well? 

I will pray for them more than I ever have. 

I will fight for them in the spiritual realm. 

I will like them like crazy!

The one who has become my live-in friend and accountability partner returns for the last of her things.  While waiting for her Dad she plays my favorite song on her harp.  I sit on the floor in the dark hallway to listen.  I grieve the end of this time with her.  Nineteen years have gone fast.  Much too fast!

Mixed up thoughts mix with littles calling me to the fire-pit for roasting marshmallows.  The middle-little has a sliver in her foot.  I go to them knowing their years alongside me will also pass quickly for this mother-heart. 

Embrace the dandelions. 

Embrace the change. 

Embrace the vital. 

Embrace the moments that make the lifetime.

“I just know that the longer I parent the more I want to focus on doing a few things really well, and not get too passionate about all the rest. I want to spend time with my kids, teach them the Bible, take them to church, laugh with them, cry with them, discipline them when they disobey, say sorry when I mess up, and pray like crazy. I want them to look back and think, “I’m not sure what my parents were doing or if they even knew what they’re were doing. But I always knew my parents loved me and I knew they loved Jesus.” Maybe it’s not that complicated after all.”    Kevin DeYoung

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My Prayer Daily

Lord,
I give you this entire day.

I ask that you lead me in all areas of my life.

Give me patience, wisdom and understanding.

Remind me to be sweet to my family.

Teach us all that you would, Lord.

I pray that my life would be a sweet aroma sacrificed to you today, bringing you Glory—

Amen

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Praying For Your Children

1.  PRAY THAT THEY WILL KNOW CHRIST AS SAVIOR EARLY IN LIFE

O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly; My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. Psalm 63:1

And that from childhood you have known the sacred writings which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. 2 Timothy 3:15

2.  PRAY THAT THEY WILL HAVE A HATRED FOR SIN

Hate evil, you who love the LORD, who preserves the souls of His godly ones; He delivers them from the hand of the wicked.  Psalm 97:10

3.  PRAY THAT THEY WILL BE CAUGHT WHEN GUILTY

It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I may learn Your statutes.  Psalm 119:71

4.  PRAY THAT THEY WILL BE PROTECTED FROM THE EVIL ONE IN EACH AREA OF THEIR LIVES: SPIRITUALLY, EMOTIONALLY, PHYSICALLY, INTELLECTUALLY AND SOCIALLY

I do not ask You to take them out of the world, but to keep them from the evil one.  John 17:15

5.  PRAY THAT THEY WILL HAVE A RESPONSIBLE ATTITUDE IN ALL THEIR INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Then this Daniel began distinguishing himself among the commissioners and satraps because he possessed an extraordinary spirit, and the king planned to appoint him over the entire kingdom.  Daniel 6:3

6.  PRAY THAT THEY WILL RESPECT PEOPLE IN AUTHORITY OVER THEM

Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities for there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God.  Romans 13:1

7.  PRAY THAT THEY WILL DESIRE THE RIGHT KIND OF FRIENDS AND BE PROTECTED FROM THE WRONG FRIENDS

My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent. My son, do not walk in the way with them. Keep your feet from their path.  Proverbs 1:10, 15

8.  PRAY THAT THEY, AS WELL AS THEIR FUTURE SPOUSE, WILL BE KEPT PURE

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?  For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.  1 Corinthians 6:19-20

9.  PRAY THAT THEY WILL BE KEPT FROM THE WRONG SPOUSE AND SAVED FOR THE RIGHT ONE

Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? 2 Corinthians 6:14, 15

10.  PRAY THAT THEY WILL LEARN TO SUBMIT TOTALLY TO GOD AND ACTIVELY RESIST SATAN IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES

Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. James 4:7

11.  PRAY THAT THEY WILL BE SINGLE-HEARTED, WILLING TO BE SOLD OUT TO JESUS CHRIST

I urge you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:1-2

12.  PRAY THAT THEY WILL BE HEDGED IN SO THEY CANNOT FIND THEIR WAY TO WRONG PEOPLE OR WRONG PLACES, AND THE WRONG PEOPLE CANNOT FIND THEIR WAY TO THEM

Therefore, behold, I will hedge up her way with thorns, and I will build a wall against her so that she cannot find her paths. Hosea 2:6

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Linked up with Far Above Rubies, {Titus2}sDays, Living Well Wednesdays and Raising Homemakers

The Steps to Victory

I want a life of consistently walking in victory.  No edging into defeat or occasional weary weaknesses.  Is this even possible?  Walking a life that is consistently victorious in the midst of disappointment?

“But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.”  1 Co. 15:57

Yes—

when I rely on God for everything; 

when I trust in God for everything.  

Including outcomes!

I see defeat in little things.  God sees the little things as a little step on the path to great victory.  If I try to measure the success of each little step—I will surely be disappointed.  But when I trust Him from beginning to end of each of those steps taken, I will see just how victorious I am walking.

At times I get discouraged when little is shown for all the time and effort spent on some area of ministry or with a person.  This is why God wants us to release all outcomes to His care.  I am to learn from my time with Him and then again in what He shows me within the act of walking obediently the lesson He taught.  I am reminded that it is about me and God—our relationship.

Anything that comes as a result of my obedience is His 

and up to Him.

Results are not my life—Jesus is!  

“Christ who is your life” (Col. 3:4).

Victory is mine as I trust Him to initiate . . .
follow through . . . 
and complete each step according to His will.  


Victory is in letting go of the process as well as the outcome.

“For whatever is born of God overcomes the world; 

and this is the victory that has overcome the world

—our faith.”  

1 John 5:4

I need only ask Him, 

follow Him, 

trust Him 

and then let Him.

“Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the victory and the majesty, indeed everything that is in the heavens and the earth; Yours is the dominion, O Lord, and You exalt Yourself as head over all.”   1 Ch. 29:11










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Linked up with What Works For Me Wednesdays, Raising Homemakers, A Steady Rain and Living Well Wednesdays

What Our Mouths, Hearts & Treasures Have in Common (James 3:3-12)—Part 2

“A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it! It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire.  A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell.” 

James 3:5, 6 (The Message)

“(the tongue) can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it!”

We can bless—fertilize growth and gradually nourish a soul 
by propagating life and Jesus  

. . . or . . .

We can curse—feed poison and gradually kill a soul 
by propagating death and Hell!

Once a fire has swept through, the damage is done.  It’s irreversible.  Unchangeable.  We cannot put back what was before.  We can only rebuild, replant, and repair.  The choice does not always lie in the moment, but in the choices made in preceding moments.  The choice in our treasure.

"The good man brings out of his good treasure what is good; and the evil man brings out of his evil treasure what is evil.  But I tell you that every careless word that people speak, they shall give an accounting for it in the Day of Judgment.  For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned." Matthew 12:35-37

Our mouth speaks our heart.  (Matthew 12:34)

Our heart houses our treasure.  (Matthew 6:21)

Our treasure is good or evil.  (Matthew 12:35)

“Do good and bad water flow from the same spring?  My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree make olives, or can a grapevine make figs? No! And a well full of salty water cannot give good water.”  James 3:11, 12 (NCV)

We all want to offer sweet words.   But there is work on our hearts needing to be done for the sweet to flow!  

Bitter resentment taints our water.

I urge you, my friends—(and trust me when I say this is for me more than for any of you today!!!) —let’s bridle those tongues (v. 2, 3) by freeing our hearts from any evil treasure it’s storing!  

By dying to self, 

repenting of sin, 

facing our anger, 

and forgiving offenses. 

Can you imagine the health to the entire body if we all really did this?  

Not only our own restoration, but the Body of Christ as well!

Are there idols stopping your sweet water flow?

Are your words like healing honey to the bones?  (Proverbs 16:24)

Are good treasures stored in your heart for the moment your mouth speaks?

We WILL speak!  

So bridle that tongue! J

Click here for Part 1 of what our mouths, hearts and treasures have in common 

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Click here for the other posts from my study of the book of James

I am joining The Good Morning Girls as we study James together. 

What Our Mouths, Hearts & Treasures Have in Common (James 3:3-12)—Part 1

If you are like me, you’ve heard countless sermons on “the tongue”.  I contemplated covering this section of James here because the scripture is pretty matter-of-fact and we all “know” the damage that can be unleashed when the tongue is not!  But perhaps because this IS such vital teaching, it warrants attention in this quiet little space.  And from someone who has teeth marks in her own! J

We have all been hurt. 

And hurt people, hurt people. 

Some times the uglies that spew from our mouth 

are wounds we are licking.

We are all selfish. 

And selfish people behave selfishly. 

Some times the anger that blows our stack 

is really a self displayed temper tantrum in disguise.

We are all sinners. 

And sinners sin. 

Some times our lies, gossip, slander, 

and contempt burn from offense 

or our own littleness begging recognition.

There are as many reasons for distastefulness to leave our mouths as there are tasteful morsels to enter.

The truth remains.  

It’s our mouth . . . our tongue . . . and we are responsible for what comes out of it.

“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”  Proverbs 18:21 (NIV)

Does the fruit of my mouth bring life or death?  Good or evil? 

It’s really that simple—isn’t it?

Is my mouths fruit good for eating & beneficial to the body receiving it? 

Or is my fruit poison, slowly sucking life from the soul it is dished out to?

“No man can tame the tongue.  It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.  With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness.  Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing.  My brothers, this should not be.”  James 3:8-10

If we cannot tame the tongue, are we truly responsible for what praise or curse comes from it?  What are we to do?

Out of the heart, the mouth speaks!  (Matthew 12:34)

So what fills your heart? 

Self or Spirit? 

Sin or repentance? 

Anger and offense or kindness and forgiveness?

These ARE our choices!

• We choose to cling to our rights . . . or die to self.
• We choose to continue to walk in known sin . . . or repent and turn away from idols.
• We choose to be angry and offended for what was said or done to us . . . or we lay our anger at the foot of the cross along with all our reasons and excuses and defenses for being “in the right”—and. we. forgive!  Fully and completely from the heart; repeatedly if necessary.

My child’s soul does not deserve my harsh words

because I am upset about my situation.

My family member does not deserve my contempt

because I was hurt by something said.

My co-worker does not deserve my attitude

because I feel unjustly treated.

My church body does not deserve my slander

because I don’t agree with decisions.

My neighbor does not deserve my gossip

because I want to be noticed in the juicy tidbit.

My reaction ignites my sin 

with perpetuating consequences 

that leave a legacy!

“A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it! It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire.  A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell.” 

James 3:5, 6 (The Message)

Click here for Part 2 of what our mouths, hearts and treasures have in common 

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Click here for the other posts from my study of the book of James

I am joining The Good Morning Girls as we study James together.


Linked up with . . . 
We Are That Family
Women Living Well
Raising Homemakers