That big fear of mine? It didn’t just come about as my children came of age!
My fear of failing as a mother grew as they grew.
My fear of failing God in my mothering grew as the evidence stacked against me.
What I have learned of our enemy is that he is not creative—he doesn’t have to be. He just has to know human nature. And he does. He has studied us for years. He plays off our weaknesses . . . which he’s figured out while watching us be mistreated over the years.
Sinful people have sinned against us.
Hurting people have hurt us.
And we've reacted.
He saw this young, naïve, hurting-for-attention girl get duped by a man in spiritual authority over her. And the spin he fed her thoughts was that she was a failure to God.
Had he—had anyone—spoken those words to her at the time, she would never have agreed.
“Jesus loves me, this I KNOW!”
But seeds only grow when they are nurtured. And there is enough sun, water and fertilizer in this world to give the fields of failure a bumper crop!
And in me—the harvest was bountiful.
“How have I failed Thee . . . let me count the ways!”
At age 13, the field was plowed.
In my 40’s, I discovered the field flourishing.
We can deny we are in a battle all we want. It does not change the facts. We are. In a battle!
The battle is real.
And it is fierce.
The costs are high.
Spoils for either side.
I thought all these insecure thoughts were my own!
Not realizing I had a REAL enemy! An enemy willing to take advantage of my hurt!
I believe now the lie he fed me then was, “You failed God.”
And as I grew older the lie grew with me to, “You will always fail God!”
Every time I did something wrong, or said something dumb, or didn’t accomplish something expected, or made a disaster of something—that failure got filed in the box labeled with the original lie.
Time goes by. Years accumulate. Failures rise.
Babies are born. Children grow. Young adults now stand before me.
And I realize my fear has frozen me.
Can there be enough grace to save the children of such a failure like me?
How could I imagine raising godly children for the Kingdom?
How could I ever foster a close-knit, loving home?
How could I hope to ever win my children’s hearts to myself—let alone God???
I am a failure to God!
I will surely fail at the biggest task He could ever ask me to do!
So the lie goes . . . Until . . .
The darkness collides with Light.
The lie exposed.
The access point revealed.
The repentance of sins and renouncing of untruths.
Not only is the forgiveness sweet, but something big implodes within!
His lies are the epicenter of his control within our soul—our minds, wills and emotions!
When Satan's lies are exposed,
his power over us implodes!
So what lies have you believed?
What version of the truth has our enemy fed you?
What hurt from long ago could have given access to thoughts now tormenting you?
Maybe today is the day to ask, seek and knock!
Maybe today is your day for the chains to fall free!