I fear I have or I will fail my children.
I fear I have or I will fail God in raising them.
I fear—
What I do or don’t do . . .
What I say or don’t say . . .
What I allow or don’t allow . . .
I fear—
I fear—
If the “whatever” is not received well by them that in rejecting me, my advice, my council, or my perspective of what is “best for them” . . .
I fear they will reject God.
I fear they will reject God and it will be because of my failure to mother them well.
However “well” looks for each of them as individuals.
This is fresh revelation, but I have seen its evidence.
There are so many things in this life that just. don’t. matter!
Loving my children well is not one of them.
I am crazy gone over my kids!
As much as I’d like to take their choice away, I can’t!
Just as grace drew me to my knees as a 20-something, tired-out, masquerading, Christ-following fake . . .
so grace must draw each one of them.
How I wish I had control!
But I don’t.
All I can do is—
love them,
pray for them,
discipline them,
while discipling them
the best I can with— what they will receive,
what they will listen to,
with only the wisdom & understanding grace has gifted up to today.
No one can go back.
There are no do-over’s in parenting.
Regret threatens to devour my sanity!
As I cling to my Redeemer—
He loves,
He prays,
He disciplines,
and He disciples me
all the while redeeming— my mistakes,
my sins,
my poor choices,
my “woulda-coulda-shoulda’s”
and “if only’s”.
Nothing escapes Him.
Nothing is unredeemable for Him.
Nothing reaches beyond His touch.
Fear cannot coincide with Christ!
So I repent and let healing waters of forgiveness rush my soul.
This freedom of forgiveness deepens trust.
Only He can save.
I cannot.
I can release!
I can trust!
I can pray!
I can rebuke!
I can battle!
I can encourage!
I can challenge!
I can correct!
I can question!
I can love!
I can love!
I can Mother my best and trust God for the rest—cheesy, but truth!
"Thank you, Jesus, that fear is not my destiny—only my chains. It was for freedom that You came—for me as well as for my children. In the power and authority of your name and in your blood, please break these chains threatening to overtake my joy, my hope . . . my peace. You love them so much more than I. You love perfect. Thank you for perfect love casting out all fear! You know my hopes, my dreams, my prayers for them—and I know they are safe within Your care. Abba, I love you! Abba, I belong to you! Abba, I trust you! Abba, You are enough! In this. In everything. You are enough! Amen."
