Friday, September 2, 2011

When We Have No Control

My Sister’s son is severely autistic.  Through the years, she has had to learn to surrender her desire to plan, to understand and to control her situation. 
And trust me, this girl likes a plan. 
She LIVES by a plan. 
She lives TO plan! J 
But she cannot plan autism. 
She cannot control how autism controls her day.
But she can trust the Blessed Controller of all thingsAbba!

And for 16 years I have witnessed her grow in that trust!

“Tremble {with fear, anxiety or anger} and do not sin;
Meditate in your heart upon your bed, and be still {be silent and wait}.
Offer the sacrifices of righteousness {have your heart right with God},
And trust in the Lord. {Securely attach yourself in solid confidence to Yahweh—the God who not only made an unbreakable Covenant with you, but Who is incapable of breaking any of its promises!}
Psalm 4:4, 5

As we waited for the Neurologist in Exam Room 2, my insides trembled a bit.  I was bracing for one of the three scenarios we were previously given and, hopeful still, that she would walk into the room declaring hubby’s brain healed.  But that didn’t happen.

She did declare the problem was not Multiple Sclerosis!  Thank you, Jesus!

But MRI’s do not like metals and there was enough blood on his brain (containing iron) that they could not tell with clarity whether or not this was caused by a Cavernoma.  Her opinion is that he suffered a stroke at a certain time and it then hemorrhaged on the day he showed symptoms.

Her opinion???

Have the MRI images she pointed out resembling Cavernoma’s simply disappeared?  Or are they now covered in blood?

How can he have a stroke caused by hypertension when his blood pressure, outside of her office, is normal?

How can there have been so many tests taken, so much blood work and still there be a guessan opinionfor the diagnosis?

No control!
No control of what’s going on in his cute, little brain! 
No control over a definite diagnosis!
No control on where this takes us!
No control over his recovery!
No control over its costs!
I have no control! 

Yesterday was my nephew’s first day of his senior year of high school.
It was rough.  And trust me when I say, a rough day in his world is much rougher than that for most of us. 

He had no control.

From my big sister, I learn—
to tremble . . . but not sin!
to depend on God . . . alone!
to be still in Him—relax and wait . . . knowing He is in control!
to trust Him . . . with the process as well as the outcome!
to hope in Him . . . with confident expectation!

God IS in control! 
I thought I had learned to let that be enough
     —to let Him being in control be enough for me. 

Today, the learning goes a little deeper.