Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Test Reults Day

The anxiety I awoke to in the pit of my stomach was an unwelcomed, familiar surprise.  There were days when that gripping, nauseous feeling lasted all day.  Days where I was consumed with fear!  And that wasn’t all that long ago.

What a difference Abba makes!

Do you remember that old game show, Let’s Make a Deal?  My “rememberer” isn’t all that great, but I believe a contestant won a certain amount of money and they were given the choice to either keep the money or choose one of 3 curtains, winning whatever was behind that curtain.  Sometimes the exchange was in the contestant’s favor—even winning a brand new car.  Other times, they traded hundreds of dollars for a broken down jalopy.  I don’t now why, but I was thinking of that show while trying to sleep last night.

Right now we have three Neurologists opinions of what is wrong with my husband’s brain.

Behind curtain #1—stroke
Behind curtain #2—multiple sclerosis
Behind curtain #3—cavernoma (a type of brain aneurysm)

Today is the day we find out the results of the CT scan, MRI, MRA, Spinal Tap and exhaustive blood tests.  We have been anxious to get answers, but now I want to flee from the dayI want to escape hearing any words of diagnosis, treatment and expectations the Dr. is ready to share with us

And I am reminded of what God reminds me of so often in our quiet time together:
“Let what I want be more important than what you want.”

I want to go to sleep and wake up with this nightmare over.
I want my husband to return from his trip to Oregon the way he left.
I want homeschooling plans to be my focus for the day.
I want the questions of what our future is going to look like, look more like what I thought!

I don’t want a doctor’s answers...I want God’s miraculous, Divine touch!

We know God heals.
We have prayed for healing.
We believe for healing.
We trust Him with our lives.

And our lives are not a game.  
Monty Hall had no control over which choice the contestants made.
No control over what was behind the curtains.

God does! 

Sometimes we get to choose.  Other times, the choice is made for us.  And while today I am wishing, hoping and praying for a curtain #4 to be revealed at our appointment . . . I am at peace.  A deep peace only possible with Yahweh—our covenant making AND keeping God.

I have learned to trust Him with outcomes.
Now He is teaching me to trust Him more deeply 
in the process He takes to get me there.

What answers are you waiting for today?
Are you at deep peace?
Or is fear consuming you, like it consumes so many of us at times?

“If God is for us, who {what} can {will} ever be against us?” Romans 8:31

“He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things.” (v. 32)

“Who {what} will separate us from the love of Christ?  Will tribulation or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril or sword?”  (v.35)

“But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us.  (v. 37)

“For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  (v. 38-39)

My Pastor reminded us at prayer last night—it’s about praying expectantly!  Not with expectations, but expectantly trusting His Kingdom to come and looking for the good He brings with Him.

I don’t know what to expect at the Neurologist office today.  But I do know what to expect of God—for He can only, always be good!  His Covenant promises assure us of that!