We walked this same path of loss, although differently, over 5 years ago now.
My house was empty, but for baby Faith and myself. The older ones in settled places for the day. We had been asked to care for the booth of a wonderful, godly company at the local homeschool conference. It was my husband’s birthday.
I had not even known the dear, little one existed.
I had no idea that I was partnering once more with the hand of our Creator God to form fleshly housing for spiritual soul.
As I think back this week, the experience is so fresh in my memory.
I can still feel today the presence of my Jesus with me that day. He was so powerfully real to me that morning. I sensed His Spirit stronger than almost any other time in my life.
That is, until now...
My first encounter with baby was encountered with Love at my side!
Disbelief. Shock. Cries of agony. Awestruck wonder! As I held the lifeless babe in my shaking hands.
Fear. Questions. Deep sadness. Unknown grief! As I begged God to tell me what to do!
I heard—not audibly—but still so loudly in my right ear that I was sure the entire world could hear, “It’s okay. __e’s with Me.” Instantly, a rush of peace washed over my body.
That quickly, I was a mother once more. That quickly, I was saying goodbye. That quickly, I was changed forever.
Life and death have a way of doing that. They forever alter our lives.
Several years later, I was hurting over this loss of life. I had so little time. I could barely believe that this life was, while simultaneously realizing it was no longer.
There had been no celebration. No stick with pink lines. No fun, creative way of letting hubby in on the secret God and I shared. There wasn’t any morning...afternoon...evening sickness to excitedly complain about.
There had been nothing.
Nothing but those few, short, overwhelming moments.
While reliving this pain, I asked my God for mercy. “Would you please, God. Please tell me. Was my baby a boy or a girl?” (When He had spoken to me that morning, there was no definite “h” or “sh” before the “e” in the words of comfort that He gave to me). Immediately, before the prayer had completed the question, I heard in that same ear as the day of our initial meeting—“Boy”.
I began to cry and shake uncontrollably.
Could I be so selfish, could I make just one more request? “Please God, what is his name?” Again, just as quickly; again, in the same ear. The name resounded boldly, “Peter”.
~Peter McKay~ never appeared on any baby name list that we had ever put together.
I knew the name had to be from God. I chuckled, I laughed, I cried, I sobbed. I knew with all my heart that God had just told me my baby—my child fully alive in His presence—was named Peter!
I rushed to the book shelf holding “The Name Book”. I knew the name Peter meant “rock” from our Peter from the Bible. But could there be something else? I just felt God had more for me than that...and He did!
Turning to the page in the book this is what I found:
PETER; from the Bible; Language/Cultural origin: Greek; Inherent Meaning: Rock; Spiritual Connotation: Powerful faith; Scripture: Matthew 16:18 “And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the powers of death shall not prevail against it.”
“the powers of death shall not prevail”
Soothing words that day! Soothing words this day!
The powers of death shall not prevail.
Death’s power, death’s hold, death’s sting was broken forever by the blood of our Jesus as His life was poured out upon the cross of Calvary.
Jesus prevailed then. Jesus will prevail “in the day of the Lord”. Jesus prevails today.
And because there IS Jesus—death is no longer, necessarily, for eternity.
For our Peter, and this newest little one, eternity has only begun. They are fully alive and in the presence of our prevailing Jesus.
Today, I can say with sincere honesty, I would not wish them back here!
They are where I long to be. They are with the One I breathe for. Their joy is unspeakable and full of glory. They never tire of exclaiming “Holy, holy, holy is He!”
My mommy heart wonders if they have found each other. :) I can’t help but think they have.
Do they think on me? Do they know how much I think of them? Love them? Do they know how I long for the day I will be with them, knowing them and in the presence of Him?
Heaven seems closer to me than ever today.
Because of them. Because of Him.