Saturday, August 16, 2008

Trying Not To Ask "Why?"

During a difficult valley in her walk with the Lord, a dear friend of mine taught me not to ask Him “why?”. She told me that she didn’t believe in asking God “why?”. Her point was that He is God. He is Sovereign. He is Omniscient and Omnipresent. He is the Beginning and the End. He is the awesome, powerful Almighty God—Creator, Sustainer and Ruler of all heaven and all earth. Who am I to ask Him “why”?

Challenging thinking, because I often want to know “why?”.

What I learned when I took this thinking back to Him was to ask Him “what?”. What do you want to show me Father? What do you want me to learn? What do you want to see changed in me? What is the point of this part of the journey? What do I do with “this”?

Maybe ask a couple of “how’s?”. How do I let this heart desire go? How do I move on? How do You want me to respond? How do You want to grow and discipline me? How do I glorify You in this when my heart is breaking? How do You want my dreaming to change?

I still don’t have it figured out. But I do strongly believe in the lesson.

You may be thinking, “My God is big enough for me to ask Him “why?” and it is up to Him to answer me or not. I can trust Him and still ask “why?”. Yes, that is true. He is big enough. But I also believe that He could answer the “why?” question without my prompting, whether I ask it or not.

I guess the lesson I learned in this is can I trust Him without asking the “why?”. He is not changed whether I ask or not, but I believe I am. To ask “why?” is to imply that He is being unkind or unfair. It is not about being kind to me or being fair. My life is about living for His purpose and for His glory. I suppose I see that asking of “why?” now as a questioning of how He goes about doing that within me.

So...I am trying not to ask God “why?” on this hurting twist in the path of my journey. I am asking Him some “what’s?” and some “how’s”, but whenever I feel tempted to ask Him “why?” I turn my thoughts to praise and adoration. That doesn’t negate the disappointment and pain, but it lessons the sting.

I am trying to walk in what I know, not what I feel right now.

“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28

It’s “His purposes” not mine that are to be fulfilled.

He cares about my cares and hurts over my hurts. I am His child and He cares for me as such. But just as I parent my children with their best interest at heart, it is not always as they desire. I know more than they. I have a higher plan and purpose in mind for them than children of the world and, dare I say, even children of other Christian families.

My ways are not the ways of other parents because I have a different agenda in mind for the life purpose and focus for my family. His ways are not my ways because He has a different agenda in mind for me, my husband and my family than I can even fathom. My agenda for my children is imperfect because I am imperfect. His is perfect and right and best and, incidentally, it IS the agenda that I truly want as well. I know that, I just don’t feel that right now.

I am tired and I am spent. But I am going to bed now and trust that my rest will be sweet. (Proverbs 3:24b).

“Thy will be done in my life, Father! That is my heart’s sincere, honest prayer! I will pray hard for what pulls at my heart. I will dream big and believe big! But when you ask me to change or let go or give some dream up to You, I hope and pray that I will always be faithful to do so. This hurts! Answer my “what’s?” and “how’s?” if possible, but even if you remain silent in this, I will praise you. I will be obedient and give this up willingly and without bitterness. My greatest desire above all else is to glorify you in my being. Give me the grace I need to do so. I trust in your perfect love for me! Amen...”