Saturday, June 21, 2008

The Voices

During my Bible time this morning, I was talking to God about the different voices that I tire of hearing in my head. Maybe mine are more prolific than yours...they are definitely loud and annoying!

My voices tell me...

“You messed up again! Are you ever going to get past this?”

“You are so undisciplined! Can’t you get your act together?”

“You are so selfish! You are no different than a non-believer when it comes to wanting your own way.”

“You ask too little of your children.”

“You ask too much of your children.”

“Who do you think you are that anyone would want to read or listen to anything you have to say?”

“You don’t understand what that scripture is what makes you think that you are following the right path?”

“If you are so confused as to biblical thoughts and theologies, how are you ever going to direct your children in ‘the way in which they should go?’”

“You grew up being taught this and that.... You learned something different while studying thus and so.... A Bible teacher explained it this way.... How do you know which one is right? How do you know there is not another way to think or believe about this? Since you have doubts on this subject, what about the other things that you believe in?”

“Maybe “He” isn’t after all! Ever thought about that? What if you are believing in someone, some God that doesn’t even exist?”

I could go on and on, but these are the voices that seem to be screaming at me in this season of life.

I just had a little cry with God about it this morning. Some days, I just want to curl up in the big overstuffed chair with a blanket wrapped around me and cry in the arms of my Abba Father.

“Free me from this wretched body. This body that will not walk as disciplined as I wish it would, try to do, but fail. Free me from this wretched mind that feels like such a failure much of the time concerning much of my life. Free me from this world that confuses and scares me in the path its taking. Free me from this fear that I am going to fail you, God!”

To be completely honest, I am typing right now amongst tears. No...I am not being hormonal :) and I am not particularly tired. A new voice is mumbling at me... “see, you are so weak, you are so pathetic, you are a basket case—where is your confidence?”

Yep...I am! I am weak, but my God is very strong and His “power is perfected in weakness...for when I am weak, then I am strong” 2 Corinthians 12:9, 10. So immediately the annoying voice says “how are you strong? Tell me girl, where are you feeling strong?” Ahh...that “feeling” thing. Boy, that throws us off track, doesn’t it! If I don’t “feel” something, it must not be. If I don’t feel strong, how can I be strong? Grace...

Yep...I am pathetic! “For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the wishing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not.” Romans 7:18. Nothing good dwells in me. That’s kind of hard to swallow, but it is so true. Left to myself, without Christ on the throne...without the heart of stone being turned to a heart of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26-27), there is nothing good within Robin. That is truth. That is not current, cultural “self love”, but it is truth!

Yes...I lack confidence! With the above verse being true (and me knowing it too well!) it would be hard to walk surely with steadfast confidence within myself. I “teeter” some because I know that I can be deceived and I so do not want to be! I walk unsure at times because I know that other sincere hearts have been led astray. So what to do? “I am determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified” 1 Corinthians 2:2. If Godly people that I love and admire can have such differing opinions, if Bible scholars cannot agree on many theological topics, HOW can I EVER hope to BOLDLY and with 100% CONFIDENCE walk according to what I understand and am led to believe in?

I can’t, so I won’t! I will, however, walk boldly and confidently in the cross of Christ. Other than that, I will trust in my God to direct my path and I will be adamant in my resolve to seek truth according to the guide book for the path—His Holy Word!

Yes...I do mess up (read sin!) So I will keep falling at the feet of the cross and seek my Lord’s love and forgiveness. I will then rise and walk in victory, not defeat. “He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will find compassion. How blessed is the man who fears always, but he who hardens his heart will fall into calamity” Proverbs 28:13, 14. So I will fear my own deceitful heart and ask God daily to reveal to me those actions that are contrary to Him, careful to keep a pliable, willing heart turned toward Him.

My mind keeps going on, but I need to close this for now. I have a family that is needing breakfast and I want to be “savoring these (morning) moments”. That cannot be done if I stay on the computer. But I have a few more thoughts and another verse that God recently brought to me that I’d like to share later.

Until dear sister...remember this...

“How precious also are Thy thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would out-number the sand.” Psalm 139:7, 8a

This is the voice of your God. This is the voice of the One and Only True God! This may not be the only voice that you hear, but it is the ONLY voice that you should adhere to.

Follow after this voice...believe in this voice...cry out to this voice...walk as boldly as you can in freedom through the perfected powerful grace given by this voice!

His voice and His only!

~Click here to go to "The Voices-Part 2"~